But, what if? So, you’re deciding if a long distance relationship is for you, and, with that, comes many doubts, hesitations, and ‘what ifs’. Even if you think you’ve found your soulmate, these thoughts will consume your mind before and while you’re embarking on this journey. 

The stigma of long distance relationships (LDR’s) is that they won’t work out, but quite recently, researchers and therapists have cleared that…  

“long distance relationships can absolutely succeed.” 

In most situations, LDR’s become a result of one partner moving away either for college or with family, but, what people don’t realize is that many “regular” couples (couples who are closer in distance) find themselves in a period of long distance, even as they are married! This can result from many situations, like military deployment, a study abroad fling turned true love, and career opportunities, for example. “

Many couples even point to a season of long distance as the cornerstone of a stronger relationship.” Now, being willingly separated from their partner might sound quite absurd for most people in a relationship, but research shows that people in LDR’s tend to have the strongest relationship and connection because of the time they spend apart.

Deciding if a  LDR is right for you is a much easier question to answer, than you think. As a sophomore in high school, I confidently believed that I could never be in a LDR, nor did I ever think I would be in that situation. 

What I’ve learned, not just from being in a long-term relationship, but from any relationship or friendship you have with someone is that if the love is real and true, it isn’t a hard decision to make. When I decided to move away for college, it wasn’t even a decision making process at all. It was just automatic that we would stay together. We understood that it would be hard, but we both valued our relationship so much that there wasn’t a doubt that this journey wouldn’t be worth it. 

Some moments were harder than others, but we never had the thought to call it quits; we just worked through it, and found ways that suited both our lives, together and seperate. For instance, we are both college students, so when making our class schedules we form it in a way that allows us time to call and, ideally, work at the same time. The scheduling isn’t always perfect, but with effort it works enough for us. 

I’m not the only one who believed that they’d never be in a LDR. Blogger Srijoni Roy explains that “the thought of being in a long-distance relationship always terrified [her] me.” She almost found herself in a LDR with someone she had already been with for 7 years, yet continuing their relationship with distance “seemed like too much of a burden,” even after being together for so long. 

Despite that, in a completely different relationship, she was easily able to envision herself continuing her new relationship in long distance. Comparing her differing feelings of not wanting to be in a LDR with someone of 7 years versus someone of less time, she realized that the thought of “long distance” wasn’t the issue; it was the person she was with. “… with my current boyfriend, things never seemed like hard work… The constant texting doesn’t seem like a challenge and you end up wishing the video calls never end–but you get there when you have to hustle it out.” 

So, think about the person you are with and analyze the quality of the relationship as it stands now. If you are truly in love with this person, it shouldn’t be hard to decide if you want a future with them. If they are the right person for you, there is no obstacle that you both can’t get through together, including long distance. But also, don’t forget that a relationship is a two-way commitment. Both partners need to be equally and completely devoted to one another, all throughout your relationship.

Now that you have gotten some insight in deciding if a LDR is for you, try answering these questions to help you make your decision:

1. Is it worth it? (If it seems like a hassle, then it probably isn’t worth it to you.)
2. Is it the right person? (Just because it doesn’t work with one person, doesn’t mean it can’t work with someone else.)
3. What is the quality of your relationship as it stands now? (If it’s a healthy relationship, and you are built up, not down, then you have something there.)